Tuesday, 17 May 2016

Rhythm 'n blues

The results are in.

It is tachycardia. Not the heart valves, no heart attack, no cancer, no lung problems, nothing else.
The heart just decided to beat to a different drum.

I suppose everybody needs a change.
The heart and I are now going full galoppety-gallop a couple of times a day.
Full speed ahead. Ships ahoy and take no prisoners.
Not very pleasant but it doesn't last very long and IT IS NOT LIFE THREATENING!

When it happens I want to behave as a heroine in an 18th century novel. Press one hand on my heart, the other on my forehead and roll my eyes back into my head dramatically.
Add white hankie-chief and a floral dress with lace.

It actually feels as if somebody is doing voodoo on me and has just ripped my heart out of my body and squeezes it real hard until it lets go and the heart snaps back into the body.
Not entirely pleasant but harmless enough.

What else can I say about it that will make light of it?

It is not life threatening and it may even disappear in a few months. I am in good care, have free health care* and I have 29 annual budgets** in the bank, a lovely man, a nice job and a good boss. I am healthy and the heart is healthy in every way, just having its occasional temper tantrums.

I still need all good heart jokes though. Jono, thank you for starting the trend. Please add more!

Any information about tachycardia (sinus) out there? Anybody who have had it? Have it?
Can I change the rhythm, possibly to a more African beat? I would like that, or a slow reaggae beat perhaps. I could have a nice life to a nice reggae beat.

*Free health care: The ambulance ride cost me €40! The hospital charged me afterwards. Still a good ride and most importantly, still cheaper than some of the fair grounds!! I just almost wish I wouldn't have lived so close to the hospital so I had got more of my moneys worth. Forever the true frugal spirit.

** FI-number from beginning of May.

Monday, 2 May 2016


Are you prepared?

I though I was prepared. I though I had played the devil's advocate enough. I thought I had analysed the worst case scenarios. I thought I had decided on the safest options.
Still, when crisis came and the ambulance was called, I did not feel prepared.

In the ambulance, all I thought was that really I ought to enjoy the moment. Last time I was in an ambulance, they did not use the sirens. Although I did not enjoy the trip, besides a good story about East-German ambulance drivers, I did get a few laughs out of it.

This time, the sirens just emphasised that this is serious, this is an emergency, this is something I really do not want my old mother to worry about. This time, I was also in my mother's country in and within in my mother's country's health care system.

So I was prepared.
One of the world's best health care systems (although stretched thinly these days) was mine for the asking, it is free and I speak the language fluently. I have 27 austere annual budgets in the bank and I have lived a very enjoyable life. I love and I am loved. I should be prepared and I thought I could deal with it.

But I am impatient. Although I am back at the low-impact part of work, I am not back in shape, still waiting for test results,  still waiting for information on what I can do and cannot do, still feeling quite under the weather, just trying not to worry. Worst case emergency scenario has been ruled out and although nobody says anything, I think I will recover. (Heavy dose of positive thinking added here).

Currently, the most difficult is that I don't know if the future is still be mine to plan or if I will have restrictions. No, actually, the worst is that I am separated from the man. Until I am cleared, I do not want to leave this national health care system, and he is stuck in his country. It has only been two weeks, but for joined twins, this is a very long time.

And I am of course impatient. I cannot make plans, I cannot even make decisions about tomorrow, I cannot fly, make reservations or plans for the future. However, I still have an unshaken optimism.

Are you prepared for your worst case scenario? Are you making sure that you have experienced life to the fullest the day your heart valves starts leaking?

ps. Yes, I had clean underwear when the ambulance came.